Wednesday, November 19, 2008
HOPE....where did it go?
The way I feel about IVF seems to change daily. I’m always sorting through how to be brave enough to do this again, or to do this 3,4,5 times or more. I know of someone that had to do IVF 10 times before getting her beautiful baby boy. Ten freakin’ times!! How did she do it? How did she find that courage. How did she manage to never give up HOPE? I don’t know if I will make it. I really don’t feel like doing IVF again, but I know it’s OUR path. I’m not quite sure how my husband still has HOPE and still manages to keep getting excited at this IVF possibility. I’m not there today, I would rather give up. But, I know if I did give up, I really would regret it. I would rather have a guarantee that if we try this again that it WOULD work the 2nd time! Because if it doesn’t work then I will want to try a 3rd time and I really just want to know that YES, it would work the 2nd time. I’m finding it hard to believe in myself as we make our way past the holidays and into the Spring when our excitement will begin again. I don’t want to be let down again. For some reason this month it is a bit hard to hang on to that HOPE that we can make it through all of this. It’s kind of hard to believe in myself for some reason but I HOPE that changes soon. I think maybe this month is hard because last November 8th was the first time we were told that IVF is our best option. Maybe I will find that place inside that gives me the strength again........right now I'm not feeling very strong or brave. Right now I don't have HOPE for our success.